I was brought into this world in May of 1954, in a far away land called Texas and in that time I have learned a lot, forgot a lot and seen a lot of changes in society. In the 60s there were a lot more stay at home moms. My dad always managed to find a decent paying job. Of course a dollar went a lot farther then than it does now.
My parents managed to put a garden in every year and my mom canned everything we grew. She also baby sat and earned extra money that way. She knitted and loved to embroidery. Her biggest passion was quilting. She lost to cancer in 2001 at the age of 68.
I came across this quote a couple of weeks ago and it made me think of her. She always took care of herself and did her best to make everyone happy and she never made her happiness a priority. I believe she loved herself and her life and did her best to take care of herself. She never really had just her time other than when she was embroidering or quilting. She worked hard and took care of her mom and my dad and her also took turns taking care of his mom and dad. The last four or five years of her life she was basically a full time caregiver. Everything else came ahead of her and her needs. She is deeply missed.
“Don’t sacrifice yourself too much, because if you sacrifice too much there’s nothing else you can give and nobody will care for you.” – Karl Lagerfield
My mom sacrificed a lot to take care of everyone else’s needs. She sacrificed too much in my opinion but that is the way mom rolled. We would sit down to a meal and I would ask her who else was coming to eat. Every year she canned more than we needed and would give some away. I don’t remember the exact number, but I think my dad said when she died she had over 100 quilts stored in the basement. She did more than she needed to but that made her happy.
In today’s world it pretty much takes both spouse’s incomes to make ends meet. I have had several people tell me they do it because they want their children to have more than they did. So they sacrifice time they could be spending with their children so they can make sure they have a cell phone, the latest designer clothes or the latest must have toy. A new car and even pay for their gas and insurance. Karate classes or every sport there is. Really?
I guess I am an old geezer and set in my ways but I see them sacrificing important time that could be spent as family time. Time used for talking and actually getting to know your child. Oh you know his favorite baseball position is short stop but do you know his favorite book? You know she loves dance classes but do you know who her favorite author is? Your sacrificing time that could be used to know your child.
Yeah I know I ain’t nobody. No degree. Just gray hairs put there by experience of rights and wrongs and I just calls ’em like I sees ’em. No facts or statistics just life experiences. Growing up I didn’t get everything I wanted and my parents weren’t afraid to say no. My sister and I didn’t have everything we wanted but we had what we needed. WHAT WE NEEDED!
“At some point, if you don’t take care of the roads today, it’s like any other maintenance issue: you’re going to end up paying a lot more down the road.” – Matt Mead
There is a lot of validity to this statement however in the rearing of our children the child is the one who is going to pay a lot more down the road. If mom and pop can’t take care of them they aren’t going to know how to handle life. Their boss tells them “no” and their whole world comes apart. I hear people say repeatedly, “Kids these days!” Really? Who is at fault here? Let that sink in for a minute. Parents are preparing their children for some form of Utopia instead of real life. Even as beautiful as a rose is if not handled properly it can hurt you; such is life.
Before someone gets a burr under their saddle I am not saying everyone does this but sadly I see a large amount of parents who do this and sadly on the other side of the coin there are parents who give their children very little.
My mom and dad always took care of us. They taught us respect, work ethics and that life wasn’t always fair. She worked early in their marriage and when we moved to St. Louis my dad was able to get a job that gave my mom an opportunity to be a stay at home mom. A lot of young mothers now aren’t afforded that same opportunity now days. The sad thing is that the children miss a lot of good times that they could really benefit from.
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2 thoughts on “Just a Few Thoughts”
Another “OMG, how true” blog for me! A great therapist told me once we owe our children “roots and wings.” Roots for stability, security, and a safe place to call “home”. Wings for the freedom (and support) to be who they feel they are drawn to be. Another big one is acting on our words. If we threaten “cause and consequences” for bad behaviour, we MUST act on it. That follow thru (which is why we must carefully think thru a consequence when spoken, “you’re gonna regret it” is not specific enough) is essential for character building. I have been the mom who was able to give “want things”, and my time, and one who focused on time and “what you need, not just what you want”, and, those lessons, thank you God, got thru enough to hear her say, “…need vs want…” quite often (yup, proud mom moments). Like you, I grew up with more needs met, fewer wants, an appreciation for what I got out of life, and their respective values. Working with a younger co-worker set has been very telling for seeing “entitled” and “enough to get by vs doing their capable or desiring to do more best” attitudes. Still, unsettling experiences that make me wonder what life will be like 20+ years from now when “they” are in charge. Yet another mind and thought provoking piece from you, my friend. Wonder if we asked the younger set if they know all that “cowboy (cowgirl) up” really means, if they could answer; how many would consider all the meanings if they knew. Hopefully many would retain concept, even if to file away and considered deeply long after asked… You ever consider being a therapist ?! Thank you!
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Once again you are too kind. Thanks again.