(Please note that this story is fiction but we still changed the names to protect the innocent.)
Our story begins in the town of Paragould, Arkansas in the early fifties. The Greyhound bus stopped at the Ledbetters Restaurant, “Home of the Baked Possum”, and the passengers would get off and stretch their legs and get a bite to eat. The layover usually lasted about an hour.
Well the Ledbetters had just got finished building a brand new two hole privy and were quite proud of it. It was the talk of the town and the news had traveled to the Arkansas Missouri. This would be the first time passengers tried out the new facility.
Mr Ledbetter decided they needed to go that extra mile and get one of those brand new PA systems his son Goober had shown him in the Sears and Roebuck catalog. He figured they could use it to welcome the passengers and to announce when they would be departing the premises. He figured he could also use it at the annual hog/turkey contest.
Goober had done a great job of installing the PA system. He happened to have an ornery streak in him that folks say he inherited from his Grandpa Gomer. He took it upon himself to add a speaker in one of the holes in that brand new two hole privy. A two hole privy was a big deal back then. It was a sign of prestige. My grandparents had a two hole privy and one thing I couldn’t understand was, WHY? Why would you want a two hole privy in the first place. I am sorry but I am not going to sit next to someone in an outhouse. Nope! Ain’t doing it.
The bus showed up at 5:00 p.m. on the dot. The passengers started unloading and Goober kept an eye out for a victim. Then he sees this lady, who was carrying a few extra pounds, making her way down the path leading to the new privy fit for a queen. She is wearing a flower print dress and one of those straw hats that has fruit on it.
Goober watched her patiently waiting for her to enter the outhouse. To him it seemed like an eternity because he couldn’t wait to spring his practical joke on this poor unsuspecting lady. She opens the door and steps inside. Goober gives her a little time to get settled on the throne and he picks up the mic to the PA system, and says, hey lady could you move over to the other hole? I am trying to paint down here.
Ten, nine, “boom” the door flies open and out comes this portly lady moving as fast as she can. From the banana on the fruit of the world hat she was wearing, hung a roll of toilet paper and it unrolled as she ran down the path headed for the restaurant. Her feet get tangled up and down she goes with her dress hiking up around her neck and her bloomers become visible to the whole world. Now old Blue, the bluetick hound has seen all this commotion unfolding before him and the bloomers are just too much for him. He starts barking treed and the ole rooster upon seeing the bloomers begins attacking her.
By this time ole Goober is rolling on the floor laughing so hard he pees his pants and his dad is running as hard as he can down the path to shoo the rooster off this lady and to comfort her and help her up. He also managed to get ole Blue to shut up and things begin to quiet down.
Mr Leadbetter finally manages to get her to her feet and inside the restaurant. He apologizes profusely to the lady as she sat there with that roll of toilet paper still hanging off that “nanner” on her hat. Ole Blue was never quite the same, the rooster has never crowed again and Goober came up with this idea he called “karaoke”. The poor lady finally made it home at which time she immediately threw her hat to her goat!!!
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